If we’re trying to deal with troubling emotions, it’s important to understand exactly what needs to be accepted. We’re often not able to accept what we need to accept—in both our external and internal worlds—simply because we’re not putting our attention where we should. We’re heading in the wrong direction and then getting stuck in the wrong place—inside our heads.
If I’m feeling upset because you said something “mean” to me yesterday, it’s likely that my mind is filled with all sorts of thoughts about the incident: She said that. That was cruel. I don’t deserve to be treated like that. I’ll tell her exactly what I think of her when I see her next. Why do I always get upset about these things? When is it going to end? When will I be able to accept all this?
I could remain stuck with these thoughts circling around in my head for hours, without one iota of acceptance or calm coming out of my efforts. Even though I might be consciously trying to accept the way I’m feeling and move on, I simply can’t because my focus is all wrong.
While all these thoughts are consuming my mind, there’s something else going on: a tightness in my chest, butterflies in my stomach, short and shallow breathing. This is where my emotion really is. And it’s this feeling that needs to be accepted.
But before I can accept it, I have to feel it. I need to allow myself to feel the physical sensations within myself as intensely and as viscerally as possible.
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